I can't tell you the exact foundation that promoted energy and motivation to reignite, but I am thankful that it has. I am now happy with my current life situation. I have a small, sufficient apartment that I keep clean and constantly think of ways to cozy up for the Winter months ahead. I am currently working two jobs that satisfy my needs and I live simply.
Ask me what I wanted ten years ago and all I could think of was a fancy work title, a good man and a beachside abode. Now all of those things sound divine and technically I still want all of those things. But now with time I have come to look at things differently. For example, I always wanted to live in California. I was lucky enough to fall into a situation that landed me there and somehow I scraped along for 7 years. Now that I want to get back, I have a plan. I'm not in my 20's anymore and as exciting as it was to move from Coast to Coast with $300 to my name... in cash, now that I have some age on me, it won't be so easy to find a high paying bar job with the competition out there. And bar jobs are just that. It can be a way of life or the easiest way to pay rent. The hours can be relentless and there is a certain stigma that goes with it as well. Now the plan is to have a comfortable stability and somewhat of a dooable plan. That doesn't sound like much but I'll take it.
When I was a kid and visit a big city I would look up at all of the big skyscrapers and think of all the high end business people staying late to work on the big deadline. A corner office with a skyline view and a fancy nameplate on their desk. I wanted to be one of those people. Always feeling after high school and into my 20's that "What I did" defined who I am and how successful I appeared to others. As much as this may have been so, today I just simply Don't Care what others think. I work 2 part time jobs and live within my means. I like both jobs and although I don't have a name plate, or a fancy title, I have had my fair share of those and maybe in time I will again. But today, as long as I can keep a roof over my head, make a few people smile and do a good job for the companies I work for, I am content.
As for a good man, a soulmate, a person to spend a significant amount of time with... I'm good. Relationships, I have had my fair share of those as well. Some have ended in friendships still flourishing, and others... let's just say have not. I have come to the point in my life that as I have always been independent, I don't fall into the category of a hopeless romantic. I'm a bit more of a realist. Living alone, for one is GREAT! I'm not sure I could ever live with someone ever again unless we had separate bedrooms! I have and love my space. I think everyone deserves that. Number 2, I'm not exactly in the mecca of single men without children. I love kids, and have dated men with children but my end-all still involves moving. So starting something here in PA would not be smart on my end. The last thing I would ever want to do is hurt someone. I told myself that if the opportunity presented itself to stay here and start a life with someone, REALLY start a life, then Cali would become a destination for vacation. But as I am 6 days away from the 5 year mark of my return, I think it's safe to say that if it hasn't happened by now, I should keep moving on.
I mentioned earlier about creating a cozy space for the Winter Months. I have never been one to fall into a "depression" during the Winter months, but in hopes to not fall into any rut similar to last year, I have taken some steps to prepare. You have to know that with the beautiful summer weather I was spending upwards to 4 hours a day outside when I could. Now with the colder weather approaching, I know this will not be a possibility for long periods at a time. So in my middle room I rearranged the furniture to provide a nice reading nook with sufficient natural light and my reading desk is turned slightly towards the windows as well. I have a nice streak of light that comes through at certain times early in the morning where I can set up a nice floor cushion, my coffee and start the nice with some light reading.
I have also been applying for another part time job. Since I have been spending my mornings occupied with outdoor time, I figured, why not find a morning job that makes me smile, makes some money to put away and keeps me moving! We shall see, fingers crossed! I do have to say that I love how my jobs are very different from one another. You may be wondering why wouldn't I just get one job that pays well and call it a day. I've done that. I like to switch up my mindset. A few days here in this world, a few days there in another. Keeping things fresh, although not filling up the bank, is keeping my work life from becoming anything but stagnant. It keeps me looking forward to clocking in each week and also keeps me productive. But everyone is different, and most people aren't fans of filling out multiple tax forms each year lol. (One year I had 8.... that was NOT fun)
So thanks for tuning in to see what is up with this Blondesheep. It's been an experience these past few years being back and I am thankful I have had this blog to vent through. It may not be popular, but it sure does help me some days!
I hope this closing finds you well and may you day be fruitful and satisfying,
Blondesheep