As is with any major change in life or even a simple routine, the change itself can be difficult. This particular change is in reference to the job I indeed interviewed for, spent 4.5 weeks training at a headquarters facility in Nevada for and immediately started upon my return. My "office" is now in the air. I traded in my bartending shakers for wings. The actual act of the job is fulfilling, however I am having a difficult time adjusting to "Reserve Life". What that means exactly is starting at 3:30AM on my scheduled days I am "On Call" for 13 hours. If I get the call that I have been paired with a trip... I have 1.5 hours to be at the gate for that flight. Now to give you an example of my difficulty: I was called last Sunday night at 2:30PM. I wake up at 2:30AM so I can get out the door if I get that call right at 3:30AM... which has happened. Flight was delayed twice so my time was pushed twice. Finally got to the gate close to 7:30PM (one hour past my bedtime these days) Made the flight from FL to WV and find out that we will have to stay overnight. No big. I like staying in hotels. Flew back the next morning which happened to be one of my scheduled days off. No big because I had Tuesday off. Then the new routine of up at 2:30AM and in bed at 6:30PM begins Wed/Thurs and so I was sure I'd fly today... negative. Another day of waiting by the phone for 13 hours.
So what do I do for those 13 hours? I worry. I worry because this new job... this job that is the "right" career move and the benefits that I need is not paying the bills. I am guaranteed a certain amount as a full-time employee, but because of the hours, I can't find another job to fill in the gaps.
So I worry. I busy myself making these handmade Christmas cards that I hope to sell on etsy. I signed up for a freelancer website and try to straggle in some side graphic work and I hodge podge around writing. I should be thankful that I have these hours available to write. I should say to myself that I am being paid to write in a way. I should be positive. But it's difficult when my brain looks at my savings and the reality feels like I am eating into my savings to pay for a job and that feels silly.
I should be taking my own advice and looking on the bright side. Thankful to have this time to enjoy the home that I have created. Thankful that my back doesn't hurt anymore. So why is this "adulting" thing so difficult? Why am I looking at my groceries going... I need to make this last 2.5 weeks when all I am trying to do is the right thing?
Life is hard. Making decisions and following through is harder. I have a day off tomorrow so I am going to try my best to make the most of it.
If you're having a tough time out there, you are not alone. We just have to keep trucking along. We have to keep going. Move forward. Find the light in the dark and we will succeed. Yes, it will be hard, but I am sending you all the good vibes. Stay strong my friend. We'll get through this. We have to. We have too much life to live.
-Blondesheep