I have said this before and I stick by it, change can be terrifying. You can find yourself in a rut of the convenience of not changing the areas of your life which are negative. I did it for 2.5 years. I made up excuses for myself, others and the situations themselves. That can be very dangerous as you could wake up one morning and 10 years of unhappiness has passed and what do you have to show for it.
I personally have a lot to work on. My first step was really taking a look at who I have become and who I lost. The struggle is real. My vices controlled a lot of the negative aspects in my life and moderation has been a key I have come to use daily. Next my relationships with those in and around my life needed major evaluation. It can be hard to leave someone you have love for but when it becomes unhealthy for all involved and there is no growth, only regression, it's time to move one. I truly believe it is better for both parties. In my case closing the door was the best decision for everyone and all of the relationships in my life. My work relationships and friendships all improved as I began to work on myself. Finally I learned to laugh again. When you find happiness in life, it shows. I can't tell you how many people have commented on my smile. I've been working at a restaurant for over a year and customers have commented on how it's good to see my smile, laugh and generally be happy. I makes me sad to think of what I had to leave behind to move forward. But again, it was necessary.
So like I said, I moved in to an apartment of my very own. SCARY! The last apartment that I lived in by myself was in 2014. So for the last going on 3 years, I have been pretty much living out of suitcases and boxes. Not sure if I was ever staying here in PA or heading in another direction. I was too scared to sign a lease and also having to put in the time and commitment to compiling all that a new home needs. But with the new changes which have presented themselves in my life, I took the plunge. Now I own "things", I have signed a lease, I can cook at home and most of all, I have a place that is me and my responsibility.
I feel one of the biggest components that has come with all of these changes are a new found confidence. I have come to believe again that I am worth it. I am worth the amazing friends in my life and I can contribute to their happiness as much as I do to theirs. I am aloud and should enjoy life. There is so much to experience in the world not to enjoy. For example, I went tubing down the Conestoga river on July 4th. Granted, I have to admit that water looked disgusting, but nothing a nice, hot shower couldn't fix. I went with 8 now new friends. We floated down a river for 2 hours, talking, joking, and just being in the moment. It was so much fun and I was so thankful to be a part of their experience. It's worth breaking out of your shell and trying something new!
So as I embark on this new journey, this new chapter in life, I hope to become more a part of your journey. If I can share my story and my words with just one person that it makes a positive impact, my job here will be complete. I sincerely thank you for taking the time to be a part of this experience and may your day be blessed.
Cheers to Change,
Blondesheep